Overdoing it Vs. Underdoing it, and Frustrations with My Health and Limitations

Spring is springing up all around us, and I have been so excited to see the changes in our little acre homestead, as well as getting super excited to start/or finish some long awaited projects that we can finally get to now that the weather is starting to warm up and occasionally dry up. So things have been very, very busy the past week. Unfortunately, this means I've been running into a lot of frustration with my current health limitations putting a big wedge in the spokes of getting as much done as I'd wanted to. I actually had quite the break-down about it tonight, as I have been working a great deal in the yard the past few days, as well as having a constant string of company and kids over, right after getting over what was a very bad cold, and really just FEELING it all come bearing down on me and feeling like utter crap! But really, there's nothing new with that. The only thing new is that there is SO much I really want to, and feel like I have to, physically accomplish right now to get all that I want to do done this year. It just feels like there's this great sense of urgency to get as much done as possible... like I have to accomplish nearly a lifetime of things in this next year, or I lose... Game over. Really, it just feels like the culmination of a lifetime's dreams and goals finally coming to fruition at once. Or a whole semesters worth of homework due during finals week! Things that I've spent MANY years dreaming about and looking into doing are going to become reality this year. It just has to happen. By the end of it, I want to have my own real business, making actual money, doing the things I love, and living as self-sustainably as possible. So the past several days, I've really gone to town on the garden beds, that have been greatly neglected and over-run, by pulling out TONS of Oregano and Day Lilies that had just taken over everything, and tilling up the GORGEOUS soil to add many herbs and a few bulbous veggies, as well as getting many starts started in the greenhouse.

 Justin's been putting some finishing touches in the chicken coop, and the babies are finally in there for the first time tonight, with a tarp for a roof until we can get a permanent one up.

Isabelle and I helped move in the straw bedding we had picked up yesterday for them, and helped move in all their waterers and feeders, and I think that's what really set me off... The straw got to me so bad, I nearly lost my voice for a few hours, and my head still feels like it's swollen and throbbing from all the sneezing and snotting I did. It just feels like it's ALWAYS something! I was sick last week, and a couple weeks before, and a couple weeks before that! And my periods knock me on my ass every time, totally debilitating me for a few days out of the month, and I'm just so sick of it! If I were someone listening to me, I would think it was all in my head, and I'm even  starting to believe it, because I have been trying so hard to be good to myself for so long, that I'm really starting to think I've gone round the bend. I feel like I've done so much to try and improve it, by changing my diet and using herbs to stimulate my digestion, and relax my fried nerves, and I just don't understand why I still feel like total shit ALL THE F'ing TIME!!! It's making me INSANE!!! There's so much I want to do... that I HAVE to do to accomplish my goals, but I have to put limits on myself, or my body will. Hell, even when I do limit myself, my body still has something to say about it! It's so much a part of the reason I haven't been feeling like venturing out to shows, or to see friends who are further out now. Everything just takes so much effort, that by the time I've done the menial things I HAVE to, I'm completely spent. I'm just really, really, REALLY sick of it.

On the plus side, I found a wonderful place to wildcraft, and discovered a huge patch of Nettles! Plus, I'm attempting to start some Nettles from seeds. So the road to health can't be much further, right? ;) sigh...  There's not much more I can say about it. There's also less and less I feel I can do about it. I changed my diet. I started taking herbs that were supposed to help. I've been tested for nearly everything, with future tests to come, and I'm just out of ideas for now. As well as out of hope for anything new to ever work. And I'm also quite honestly burnt out on trying when so far nothing has worked. So I just go on with life and try as hard as hell to enjoy it as much as I can despite feeling like crap all the time, because really, what else can you do?? Seriously, anybody have any ideas?? I'm desperate!!!